Week 7: A Food Baby is NOT EQUAL to A Food Addiction

 

Week 7: 4lb Weight Loss (16lbs total)

God, I love her.

Current Situation/Weight: 168lbs
First of all, I need to hang my head in shame about last week. Here I am, the week before, going on and on about my dedication to this blog and then- WHAM! I don’t follow through. In my defense, I was sparing you from arguably the most boring blog in the history of blogs. It would have been the romantic story of my “friend” Sinus Infection and me sitting on the couch in a bed of used tissues. I am happy to say I am FINALLY back to feeling normal!

FOR THE RECORD:

I have discovered I have some very cleaver followers of this blog. They noticed in Breaking Up With Ben and Jerry (my first blog) I used the term “Food Addiction” to describe the avenue of how I got in my “situation”. They are not only observant but also, bold enough to call me out on it. One such message was from Ana (from Russia) who wrote to me and said, “Food Addiction is something I have struggled with my entire life. If you truly have this disease, could you focus on this at some point in your blog? This would truly mean a lot to me and I think it would make an impact for those of us who struggle.”

Well, Ana, you said the magic words that I secretly hoped no one would ask. I promised to be honest, however. That is the whole point to this blog. It took me all week to mentally prepare myself to write this today. This is a subject that is, unfortunately, near and dear to my heart. It also makes me completely uncomfortable and vulnerable talking about my problem.

Hello. My name is Katie and I am a food addict.

I suppose the first step is always admitting you have a problem. I have only admitted this to one other person. I did mention I had a problem, as some of you noticed in an early blog- but that was in a nonchalant/passive aggressive way, masked by humor. This is my approach for most serious and heavy-hearted subjects. Some use brut force and raw emotion- I use wit and sarcasm. I feel they are equally as effective.The term “Food Addiction” is used very loosely in our society. I am going to start by telling you what Food Addiction is NOT:

FOOD BABIES ARE NOT EQUAL TO FOOD ADDICTION:

Just because you ate a large meal and have to unbotton your jeans at the table does NOT mean you are a food addict. It means you, or someone who cooked for you rocked his or her mad culinary skills and you took advantage of the good food. Just because you craving this food again and you haven't even finished eating it- does not mean you are addicted to it.

YOU ARE NOT ACTUALLY ADDICTED TO CHOCOLATE:

The words, “addict” or “addiction” are used very casually to emphasis something someone loves to do. I am guilty of claiming to be addicted to TV shows and gummies. Do I truly have an addiction to Dexter and French Smurf gummies? No, I am just a HUGE fan of both. Just because you crave something, does not make you an addict. (Bottom line, cravings do not mean addition)

WHAT FOOD ADDICTION MEANS TO ME:

According to Food Addicts Recovery Anonymous:

1 Have you ever wanted to stop eating and found you just couldn't?
2 Do you think about food or your weight constantly?
3 Do you find yourself attempting one diet or food plan after another, with no lasting success?
4 Do you binge and then "get rid of the binge" through vomiting, exercise, laxatives, or other forms of purging?
5 Do you eat differently in private than you do in front of other people?
6 Has a doctor or family member ever approached you with concern about your eating habits or weight?
7 Do you eat large quantities of food at one time (binge)?
8 Is your weight problem due to your "nibbling" all day long?
9 Do you eat to escape from your feelings?
10 Do you eat when you're not hungry?
11 Have you ever discarded food, only to retrieve and eat it later?
12 Do you eat in secret?
13 Do you fast or severely restrict your food intake?
14 Have you ever stolen other people's food?
15 Have you ever hidden food to make sure you have "enough?"
16 Do you feel driven to exercise excessively to control your weight?
17 Do you obsessively calculate the calories you've burned against the calories you've eaten?
18 Do you frequently feel guilty or ashamed about what you've eaten?
19 Are you waiting for your life to begin "when you lose the weight?"
20 Do you feel hopeless about your relationship with food?

It embarrasses and saddens me that I can say yes to most all of these. This is a problem that consumes my thoughts constantly. I shut up my inner, binge eating Cookie Monster by repeating, “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels,” in my head or even out loud. Pictures of me at my peak weight make me ashamed of how out of hand I allowed myself to get. My inner Cookie Monster will haunt me for the rest of my life. Food is comfort. I allowed myself to gorge on food, to put my emotions at rest. I still try to justify doing this today. I have done it twice since I started this blog, to be honest. 1) My birthday 2) When I was sick. People tell me it is human nature to slip up and cheat. Yes. If I were a normal person and had normal food eating behaviors, I would agree with that. An example of “normal behavior” would be eating pizza or a dessert. THIS IS NOT ME. When I decide it is going to be a day that calories do not matter, my eating habits are quite frankly, disgusting. For example, when I was stressed out in California, about 3 weeks before I came home, I would have “snacks” such as:

•  A large mixing bowl full of a box of lucky charms topped with ¼ gallon of eggnog
• A loaf of artisan bread with an entire container of garlic butter
• Peanut Butter and Bacon (stuffed) sandwich
• An ENITRE Pizza
• Small coconut cream pie mixed with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s
• Candy from my hidden (serious) stashes around my room

This isn't even my peak weight...but I thought it showed my eating habits in college pretty well..minus the hidden food binges that would happen after I ate something like this! Thank God that was not captured on camera.

These are just examples. I would mix and match these and eat until I couldn’t hold it in. I couldn’t stop. I wanted to, believe me. I create these gag-reflex-triggering-food-creations subconsciously and have it eaten before I even know I made it. You know the saying, “character is who you are when no one is looking”? Same goes for how you eat.

I am happy to say I am getting better. I find the more I eat healthy and the more I workout, the quieter the Cookie Monster's voice gets in my head. I have said I am an “All or Nothing Girl”. This is so true in all aspects of my life, especially in health and fitness. People have been concern because I took away EVERYTHING unhealthy from my diet. This is not my life plan. I know I cannot do this forever. However, knowing how my mind and body works, I will start adding a few things in as I go. Moderation does not work for a food addict in the beginning. I will have to try to retrain my brain to function in the ways of moderation. However, it will be as tricky as trying to have an alcoholic have just one drink at dinner.

Workout Routine Queen

I wonder if this is what Kelly Clarkson had in mind?

I have not been to the gym in weeks. I have been running outside (as soon as my lungs decided not to be coughed up or rattle like the snake I jumped off a cliff to get away from- but that is a different story). My entire workout life, I have had a weird pain/numbing in my right leg when I run. I thought it was a nerve problem in my arch. It is much worse than it used to be. It makes it so I can only run a mile at a time before my leg falls asleep. After talking to my dad about it (he is an athletic trainer) we discovered it is not coming from my foot at all, it is coming from my back (L4 to be exact). I will start some core strengthening. That should take some pressure off of it and allow me to run without having to drag my leg like a wounded zombie.

This month, trade in Fab Abs Feb for Mad Abs March!

This Weeks Goals:

• ·      Continue to workout everyday
• ·      Go to Yoga (for real this time)
• ·      Go baby clothes shopping/go visit Amanda who just told me about her precious bun in the oven! YAY!
• ·      Read a book (and no, not the Hunger Games, again!)
• ·      Work on my core strength
• ·      LEAVE TIME TO DO: Food Friend, Kitchen Counter with Katie, and a new playlist NEXT WEEK

I am sorry I haven’t been doing my full meal deal blog. I will leave more time to do that next week. I do know for a fact the Food Friend will be Quinoa next week! If you have any recipes you’d like me to try and feature, send them to me! I am in love with this nutritious carbohydrate right now!  

LET ME KNOW IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS! As I hoped I proved today, I will answer them as honestly as possible.